Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
They have beer where we have blood.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
