i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
