So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
