I just saw a hot homeless man
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
