I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
