end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
