I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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