I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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