we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
