Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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