Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
