after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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