Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
