I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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