Need sex. Gaining weight.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
