I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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