so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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