I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
