She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
