This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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