so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
