I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
