I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Let's get the cat blown out
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
