ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
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