I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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