If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Randomize
