oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
