Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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