Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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