I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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