everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
