I am puke
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
