after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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