i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
