there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
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