Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
