My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Drunk is a universal language darling
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