My sheets look like a crime scene.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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