You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
