She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
