FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
