omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
