Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
