Only a mothe r could love this liver
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
