The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
