My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
