i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
