the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
