With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
How does one acquire holy water?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
