How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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