idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
And then my night got REAL pukey
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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