Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
