speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
