I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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