I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
