Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
