I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
